I’m fed up.
It tires me when people have double faces and they first show you the nice one, just to turn around and stick the knife on your back. I’ve been through this road before, so I shouldn’t be surprised… and yet I am.
Somehow, I’m friendly. It takes a while, but I always end up caving in, when someone seems to have similar views on life or thoughts…or even similar ways of working, to make things better. But sometimes, it happens that, the minute I open up, the minute I share, everything blows up in my face.
And no later than sooner, it has happen again. When will I learn…
Now, I find myself wondering.. does everybody knopw what when wrong and decided not to inform me? I won’t ask, because I’m not that kind of person. If this particular being has a problem with me, they can always reach me and ask. So far, it hasn’t happen.
Somebody told me *oh yeah, she’s really special, you’ll need to learn how to handle it* but at some point I decided I don’t HAVE to handle anything. I’m weird enough to deal with my own existence, I don’t have the time or energy to deal with someone else’s crap.
And yet, it affects me. Affects me in the means that, now I find myself avoiding this person, because it walks right next to me and ignores me, calls on the phone, hears my voice and hangs up, and looks at me like I was the scum of the Earth, and yet, I have no idea what I did.
I thought of approaching the subject, talk it over, understand… but no chance.
And the worst part of all is, it influences the ones surrounding me, so now I feel as if I’m under surveillance all the time. I have to watch what I say, who I talk to and who I relate to, and it hurt because I thought I had develop a sort of friendship with some of them.
Maybe I’m being oversensitive about the whole thing, maybe not.I’m confused. The only thing I know right now is I cannot trust anybody. I have oneperson,and one person only I can talk to around this places, and she is not here today. And that bites.
So, all I have left to do is suck it up, and do what I have to do to survive here yet another day.
Too bad human relations are so complicated.
